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Sylvia Storm reviews Good Pussy Bad Pussy on http://ereaderotica.com/?p=2600

Sylvia writes:

“Today we dive into a smartly told tale of love, lust, betrayal, and a woman’s best efforts to find meaning in her life. Either that, or our heroine’s life can best be described as an erotic train wreck of massive proportions. Our book today hits all the right notes for high drama and erotic suspense with Good Pussy Bad Pussy: Rachel’s Tale. I’ll have to admit this is a smartly named book, and likely pushed the boundaries for Amazon and other stores. Good. Without boundaries pushed, much of classic literature would not exist. Keep pushing, writers.

A train wreck? I hope that got your attention, because our heroine’s life is so thoroughly messed up I loved it. Our authoress even started us out with a huge OMGWTF moment, which I hated her for as an editor, but absolutely loved her for as a reader. We start the book with our heroine, and she has already left her husband and child for another man (or other men, as it seems). Then, our authoress never tells us why. Well, not right away. We have to read on a little to find out why, and bam, I am instantly hooked. Yes, an editor who doesn’t understand your work would likely tell you, “You need to explain that right away!” As a reader, I loved sitting there wondering what the heck was going on, how could she leave her family, and what sort of cold-hearted bitch this is.

We find out later, be patient, reader. Yes, it had me turning pages, and that’s a good thing. She’s not a cold-hearted bitch after all, and she has her reasons I shall not spoil. Her life is still a mess though, and I enjoyed being taken through it page after page. The book feels like that ‘Chapter 1′ and a couple others have been removed, and the whole book sings and has a great flow because of it. I like the in-media-res style, and here it is wonderfully done. Even the chapters where she meets the new hunk is gone, and we start with that, “I’ve done something terrible!” moment. It’s brave, wonderfully done, and it hooks me in and grabs my interest right from the start.

Switching gears, the cover is simply nice. A black cover, and a rose. Elegant, simple, and we don’t need a thong. Nice text work as well. I like the ‘good pussy bad pussy’ theme too, and this is brought up in the book several times. There is a meaning in here where this certain part of her body controls her actions, for better or worse, and how this all works out in her life. For men, I suppose this might be better said as ‘bad cock worse cock’ but I digress. Fun and meaningful title, simple to the point cover, and what’s not to love?

Text quality is good, and the book had that immediate storytelling style that I like so much. This is a full-length novel too, and it took me the better part of a day to finish. Despite the length, the book moved, didn’t dwell on the unimportant parts, and captured the conflicts well. I liked the dialog too, it was smartly written.

Heat-level is good, there were some great examples of ‘bad pussy’ winning the fight, and her giving into her passions. There was a long section at the end where I wanted some more ‘bad pussy’, but I’m happy ‘good pussy’ won. I kept interested despite the lack of ‘bad pussy’ though, the story and characters hooked me in and kept me reading to the end. I won’t reveal which pussy ultimately won though, you’ll need to read the book for that.

Recommended. This is intelligent erotica with a woman dealing with the consequences of her choices. The start is fun, fast, and hooked me in. The characters were great, and also the details on the locations were very nicely done. There is some delicious background in here as well, with far-flung places across Europe and the world we visit. This isn’t purely romance as well, this is exploring a woman’s passions and choices, so this is a great story for the erotica genre. Another great book for the new year, and one you should check out.”

Thanks Sylvia for the thumbs up! You can read the whole review here: http://ereaderotica.com/?p=2600

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Sacchi Green reviews “Good Pussy Bad Pussy – Rachel’s Tale” on Erotica Revealed

Green writes: “I don’t quite know what to make of ‘Good Pussy Bad Pussy: Rachel’s Tale’. The title sounds like a lighthearted, sexy romp, and the first part is certainly sexy enough, but Rachel is foolish rather than lighthearted, and some of the situations she gets herself into are too grim to be considered romps.

This isn’t a bad book by any means. The writing is good and the central character is likeable enough. The sex is well written, although by the second half of the book there’s very little enjoyment involved.

Rachel, an American, is bored with her husband in Amsterdam, so she leaves him (and her four year old son) and runs off with blond, buff Stefan to Nice, convincing herself that “it was true love, great passion, high romance.” Life on the Riviera seems to be everything she could want, and so does the sex with Stefan. Sex with Stefan’s boss is even better. But sex with the boss’s brutish business associate is not, and Rachel feels guilty that she comes to orgasm even with someone who repels her. (She never seems to realize how lucky she is that all the men she fucks, even the brute, are skilled at giving women oral sex.)….”

To read the full review, click here: http://www.eroticarevealed.com/current_reviews.php?panel_id=1

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Hi. So you want to know a little about me? Well here goes:

My name is A. Aimee – and the A. stands for Amy. So yes, my name is Amy Aimee. And I wrote a book called “Good Pussy Bad Pussy – Rachel’s Tale” which Bedroom Books published and released on Oct. 25, 2013.

And my question (or you could say my project) is: How would it be to be unabashedly lovely and loving? How would it be? To really be that?

That’s what I want to know. How would it be to be unequivocally and amazingly lovely and loving? To just amp it up and pull out all the stops? And be that amazing someone or something you already know you are (but probably never admitted)? And not be half-assed about it either but rather really let it out and fly.

It almost makes you blush just to think about it, doesn’t it? You without all your inhibitions. You without all your insecurities. You without being ground down by everyone’s expectations including your own. Just you – allowing you, allowing yourself, to be in contact with, feel and actually live the glorious life which is you, yours.

And yes I know, I’m being a little highfalutin here… yes I hear you. It’s not really possible you say. I know; that’s what they told me too. But still…

OK I admit it. We’re on shaky ground here aren’t we?

And well yes, as I said, that’s kind of my project. Being a little highfalutin and on shaky ground and all.

And, while shaking and being on shaky ground, still having the guts to go and explore it anyway… in life – and on paper.

So yes, I wrote a book and called it “Good Pussy Bad Pussy – Rachel’s Tale”. So there’s no mistaking what it’s about here, is there? And yes, it’s an on-paper attempt to explore this… an on-paper attempt to express some of this without actually talking about it directly that is…

But what my heroine Rachel does when she’s coming from that space is rather intoxicating at times. Or at least that’s my experience, watching her. And watching how it actually plays out when she’s not sure about much except the energy she feels… the drive… the intoxication of her own soul… It’s that impulse again, isn’t it?

So yes, I found it quite intriguing to let her loose through me. And it’s been quite a ride. Because whenever I thought about her and her story, I just got sucked into it. It just drew me in and on, which is why I guess, I did and still am writing about her a lot. She/Rachel makes me feel well rather heady. High you might say. And sometimes downright horny, when the life juices are steaming/streaming in and through her/me!

I can’t be the only woman on the planet who feels like this!

 

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“Good Pussy Bad Pussy – Rachel’s Tale” is now available on Kindle for just £0.99! This special offer is only for one month! Let’s spread the love…

Check it out here:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Good-Pussy-Bad-Rachels-Tale-ebook/dp/B00FAIFZCA/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1375982886&sr=1-1

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Albert’s house on Cap Ferrat was unbelievable, perched overlooking the Mediterranean. It turned out he wasn’t just rich, he was fabulously wealthy. A house like his on Cap Ferrat meant he was very well established indeed.

We walked in through a polished wooden entrance gate onto a meticulously groomed, Zen style lawn surrounded by swaying palm trees set in round stone beds. An amazing stone terrace sloped and curved down to a swimming pool. Well-dressed men and women were scattered around the pool talking in small groups. Two striking looking women were swimming and laughing in the clear blue pool while several men were standing by, watching them, making jokes and drinking champagne. Discreet white-jacketed waiters moved quietly from group to group with drinks and hors d’oeuvres.  I didn’t see Albert anywhere. Stefan nodded at several of the people but seemed to be looking for someone special. He led me towards a small group of people sitting on stunningly modern white garden chairs.

“Ah, there is Michelle, I need to talk to her for a minute,” Stefan said.

Two men got up and came towards us.

“So this is Rachel,” said one.

“Rachel, this is Joey and Carl, they were up at our hotel this afternoon. You missed them, remember?” he smiled. “Carl, entertain Rachel for a few minutes will you? I need to talk to Michelle.”

“With pleasure.”

Joey was a dark, handsome North African. Carl was tall and thin with a warm smile and gay funny eyes.

Stefan left us for a beautiful French girl with short black hair. He whispered something in her ear and she stood up, took his hand, and they walked away.

Carl grinned, “Don’t worry Rachel, Michelle just got back from Beirut. Stefan just wants to talk to her about it.”

“What’s it all about?” I asked.

“Come, let’s go over there,” Joey pointed to a cool shady spot under some old trees.

“The first thing you must learn when you join Albert’s family,” said Carl leaning against one of the trees, “is never ask questions!” He looked at me with impish smiling eyes. Was he serious?

“Oh come on Carl, don’t scare her!” Joey broke in. Was he laughing too? “Now tell me, where are on earth did Stefan find you?”

“I met Stefan at Zandvoort, a beach just outside in Amsterdam.”

“Amsterdam!” they both exclaimed.

“Yes, what’s so strange about that?”

“But you can’t be Dutch,” Joey cried, “you’re almost as dark as I am!”

“I’m American.”

“Oh… so what were you doing in Amsterdam? Just visiting?”

“Oh no, I’ve lived there for almost seven years now.”

“Seven years? How can you stand it?” cried Joey.

“It’s not so bad,” I laughed, “my husband is Dutch.”

“Your husband??”

“Yes, and Amsterdam is a beautiful city you know.”

“Well,” said Joey, “I’ve never been there so I really don’t know. I’m from Algeria but two of my brothers lived and worked in Amsterdam. Both of them married Dutch women but Armand, the younger one, came home quickly.”

I had to laugh at the serious expression on Joey’s face.

“There’s nothing funny about the stories they told,” he continued. “What is it with the women up north? Armand’s wife wanted to work, you know, and didn’t want to have children. What kind of a woman is that? And when he insisted, she left him. He is a hard worker and he just wanted to take care of her so she wouldn’t have to work. But she wanted to be independent. Is that the way women are up there?”

“Well yes,” I replied smiling, “most women in The Netherlands work.”

“But why? What do they want? You think they look so beautiful… all nice and blond, but when they start to talk and you hear what they are thinking… anyway that’s what my brother said. And he said they’re all like that. My older brother Ali has two children with his Dutch wife and she won’t let him take his children to Algeria to visit our old mother because she is afraid he will kidnap his own children and never go back to The Netherlands again. And my old mother is too weak to visit them.”

“I’m sorry to hear that but the truth is women are independent in northern Europe and have their own money and can decide things for themselves.”

“But is it necessary?” he asked. “I mean if a woman has a good man, why should she want those things? A woman’s place is at home. She should be happy to give her husband children. That’s how it is where I come from.”

How could I tell him we grew up in different worlds?

“Things are different in northern Europe and men and women are brought up in another way. We are taught that men and women are equal and should have equal opportunities to live the life they choose. So men and women act much more alike and they think and work together. And when women are independent, they usually don’t have so many children. It’s not their only priority anymore. So yes, it’s very different.”

“But how can we have a good life without the difference between men and women? Can you tell me that?”

When I didn’t reply, he continued, “And what about you Rachel? Are you like that too?”

“Well I have a son if that’s what you mean. And I stayed home and took care of him for quite a while, but I got bored and well here I am… I ran off from my husband too.”

Joey looked shocked.

“Why did you leave him? Was this Dutch husband of yours such a bad guy?”

“Oh no, he was an ok guy.”

“I’m sure he was,” a voice said behind me. I felt hands on my shoulders and I knew from the electric shock running through my body that it was Albert.

“Let’s not upset our guests Joey,” Albert said. “When will you learn that the whole world doesn’t necessarily think like you and your brothers?” He smiled.

“Pardon,” said Joey and bowed before me.

“Come,” Albert said to me, “Let me show you my house.”

I looked around for Stefan, but he was nowhere in sight.

_____

On the way up to Albert’s house, we met a big, bear-like man who seemed rather flustered. He spoke to Albert in German, excitedly. Beads of sweat clung to his forehead. Suddenly he stopped in the middle of a sentence and stared at me. His hand moved toward my shoulder.

“Rachel, this is Felix Fischer from Hamburg. I am doing a little business with him. Would you be kind enough to give him your hand? He doesn’t speak English but he seems to be quite taken by you.”

I shook hands with Mr. Fischer. Then Albert and I walked into the house.

After showing me around the most amazing house, he took me downstairs to his study. It was in the lower corner of the house and because of the slope of the garden, the huge picture windows were above ground looking out over the sea. The view was breathtaking. His long desk faced the windows so he could look out while he worked. I liked that. Further back in the room there was a low couch and I imagined him sleeping there at times.

“Will you drink something?” he motioned towards the couch.

“No thank you. The champagne by the pool on an empty stomach was more than enough for me,” I laughed uneasily.

Being suddenly alone with Albert made me tremble all over. I hadn’t forgotten the intensity of our first meeting and the wave of liquid desire he had awakened in me. I wanted to act nonchalant and tried to, but couldn’t. There was just something about the man that drew me to him; he exuded this strange, magnetic power. He came over to me, standing as I was in the middle of the room, and laid his hands on my bare shoulders. I was sure he felt me trembling. In the background, Music for Zen Meditation by Tony Scott played softly.

“Come my dear, don’t be so serious,” he said, brushing my hair away from my face, “it’s not good for you.”

”What do you mean?” I replied, feeling unsure of myself.

“You’re wearing yourself out for no good reason.”

“Really… I’m not sure I understand.”

“Oh yes you do… you are thinking and worrying all the time and it’s exhausting you. Always trying to figure things out, trying to deduct what’s going on, speculating, worrying. You’re probably worrying about your son right now, tormenting yourself because you ran off to have your little fling with Stefan.”

“Well what’s wrong with that?”

“There’s nothing wrong with watching what’s going on, but you do more than that. You keep turning things over and over in your mind until you wear yourself out instead of enjoying the present moment. Come and sit down on the couch with me, I want to tell you something.”

We sat down.

“Many years ago I spent some years in the Far East and one of the most important things I learned there was that if you want to do anything, enjoy anything, accomplish anything, achieve anything, you have to focus your energy on that one thing and forget everything else that is going on around you. You have to disregard everything else and focus your attention at whatever it is you’re going to do – and then do it. I know it sounds very simple, but it’s really very difficult to do. Most people don’t succeed in life because they scatter their energy too much. Instead of focusing on the task at hand and on the present moment, they waste their energy worrying about what happened yesterday or what’s going to happen tomorrow. So they’re rarely really present and focused in the moment. And as a result, they don’t succeed at what they’re trying to do and they don’t enjoy the present moment for what it is.”

I wondered why he was telling me this. Why me?

He went on.

“In some traditional Eastern disciplines, they teach the idea that you have to divide your mind up into compartments. One compartment for this situation and another compartment for that situation. When you’re not actually doing something about a situation or problem, you simply put it in its compartment and forget about it until the appropriate time. Otherwise you are just wasting your energy and exhausting your nervous system. What can you do about your son right now? Nothing, right? So why worry about him? You are just wasting your energy. Save it until you can actually do something about it. Otherwise it’s exhausting… what I’m trying to tell you sweet Rachel… is to relax a little… you can just let yourself go… really.” He smiled reassuringly.

“Look,” he continued, “I have become a very successful businessman. Do you know why?”

“Sure, because you’re smart.”

“Well it’s not just that,” he smiled, “It’s also because – fortunately for me – I’ve learned how to focus my attention and my energy. That’s the real secret of my success.”

“Albert, why are you telling me all this?”

He gazed into space.

“I should have met you before you married and had a son.”

“What do they have to do with it, now that I’ve left them?”

“You’ll go back to them and probably soon… but until you do…” he moved closer to me, “let’s see what happens…”

He kissed me on the mouth while his hand moved up my leg. Suddenly the door to his office swung open. It was Stefan. He looked angry seeing me with Albert.

“I was looking for Rachel,” was all he said.

Albert stood up.

They started talking in German.  It didn’t sound exactly friendly. I heard my name and stood up, getting ready to go with Stefan.

Albert turned and motioned me to sit down. “It seems Stefan forgot something important he must attend to.”

Stefan slammed the door and left without looking at me.

Albert laughed and locked the door.

“Well Rachel, now you know how Stefan feels about you.”

“I’d really like to go with Stefan,” I said out of loyalty to Stefan, even though I wasn’t really sure I wanted to go. The words just came out.

And when Albert didn’t reply, I blurted out. “Why are you doing this Albert? Can’t you see I want to be with Stefan?”

I started towards the door.

“Not so fast Rachel, not so fast. There’s something I forgot to tell you.”

His words made me shiver.

“What?”

“Sit down and I will tell you.”

He had some power I did not understand.

When I just stood there, he came and took my hand and led me over to the couch.

“Now sit down,” he said.

I sat down. He sat down besides me.

“You probably don’t realize it my dear, but I do a considerable amount of business in the Middle East. The details won’t interest you. But Stefan interests you I’ve noticed and Stefan is a part of my operation. Right now I am looking for a replacement for Ben Ari who was head of my Beirut office until he was killed by a suicide bomb in Baghdad 14 days ago while there on business. Ben was not a careless man but Iraq as you know is not the safest place in the world. And our business involves certain risks….” He paused. “I was thinking of sending Stefan to Beirut as his replacement but he asked to stay here at the moment which I gather is because of you.”

He fingered my hair.

“Now Rachel, do I make myself perfectly clear?”

“Ruthless bastard,” I muttered under my breath, eyes flashing.

“Come, come my dear,” he laughed, “it can’t be all that bad.”

I felt hot tears of frustration in my eyes as he went on toying with me.

“I like a woman with spirit,” he said, lifting my chin and gazing at me with those piercing eyes of his.

He was silent for a moment, watching me pout; then he went on. “Yes it’s true,” he continued, “you will have to make love to me in exactly the way I desire… which quite frankly I am sure you will enjoy… but other than that and maybe one or two other small requests I may have for you in the future, you can rest assured that Stefan is yours for as long as you care to enjoy him. So there is really nothing to be upset about. After all, my dear, am I not keeping you both here on the Riviera in the very best of style?”

He walked over to the windows and drew the curtains.

“Now stand up and take off your clothes.”

I stood up and looked at him.

“Do you really want me that much?”

“Isn’t that obvious, Rachel?”

“But why, I just don’t see why? You already have everything and every woman at this party today is more beautiful than I will ever be and they’re all waiting in line to have you… so why me?”

He did not let me continue and he did not answer. He pulled me towards him. I stopped struggling and let him undress me until I stood quite naked before him. I felt no shame though I knew my body was not as perfect as many he had seen. His desire for me made me extraordinarily beautiful, not only in his eyes, but in mine as well. He really did want me.  But why? Was I that different? He moved his hands over my body and then led me back over to the couch where he lay me down and spread my legs. He still had all his clothes on and I was completely naked.

He sat down next to me and gently ran his hands up and down my thighs, caressing me slowly. He was in no rush. Slowly, he let his hands lightly trace the curving lines of my body. It was as if he’d sent an electrical current through me… and I felt myself quivering at the slow sensuality of his masterful touch. Then he bent forward, tasting my pussy and caressing me again as he had done that first night with his exquisite tongue. Even if I had wanted to tense up, I simply couldn’t. I might have had my pride, but my pussy had none. And besides, she was too far gone and he was far too insistent. There was just something about him that was far too knowledgeable and far too into me for me to fathom. It seemed he understood my body far better than I did and because of this knowingness, I knew he could and would wait. Wait for me until I was good and ready for him. And wait he did, because he could. He had that power, that magic; he could linger and linger… until he knew by my wetness and the swelling, swaying movement of my hips that I wanted him as much as he wanted me. Only then did he stop, get up and begin to undress. Because by then he knew I had forgotten every protest and would wait for him no matter what. And when he came to me, naked and ready, I surrendered easily and followed him as he took me with sure strides to that brilliant destination only he knew of. And there we lingered, crying out and coming powerfully and magically together.

Then he lay quiet inside me for a long time. And strange as it may seem considering the short time I had known him, in that amazing stillness I found myself clinging to him and loving him with all my heart.

Such was the intensity of his focus that he had made me his.

I didn’t know how; but I knew it was true.

And in that moment, I wanted to be his, desperately and now that it was done, now that he had possessed me so thoroughly and completely, I took pleasure in it and was satisfied. And felt sure that he knew I wanted to be possessed in exactly the way in which he had possessed me.

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When I woke up the next morning, Stefan was already out in the bathroom shaving. He came out smiling and said, “Come on Rachel, hurry up and get dressed. I am going to take you sailing.”

No reference to the past night. He was just like he always was, cool, calm, and tightly closed upon himself. Not a trace of emotion on his beautiful face. My beloved Adonis went back to the bathroom, his face only half shaved, the other half still white with shaving cream. If I didn’t get out of bed right away and start dressing, I’d have to make a scene and leave him. But his lovemaking and the events of the night before had confused me. I had to wait and see. And besides, I’d had never been sailing before. I got up and got dressed.

Stefan and I grabbed a taxi at the Place Massena and drove out along the coast on the Lower Corniche. The day was warm and sunny. We got off at Villefranche, a fantastic bay and harbor which I immediately fell in love with. We walked down to the quays and sat at an outdoor café and had coffee and croissants. Stefan pointed across the water and told me that all the rich people lived over there on Cap Ferrat. I could see the hanging gardens and beautiful houses. Stefan reminded me that Albert had a house on Cap Ferrat too.

We spent the day sailing on a sea of blue glass.

But underneath the surface of amazing calm, I was volcano of conflicting thoughts and emotions. I simply couldn’t figure out what the deal was with Stefan and Albert. Here I was, Stefan’s girlfriend of the moment, and Stefan had just let Albert, his great hero and mentor, sleep with me, his woman. He even mentioned right before it happened that Albert had slept with other women he’d been with. What was with him? Didn’t it bother him? And what about me? Didn’t it bother me? Even though I vaguely thought it should, when I thought about the incredible night I just had with Albert, I realized there was no easy answer to that question either. Simply because making love with Albert had been such an extraordinary experience. Up until that night, I’d thought sex with Stefan was the best thing I’d ever experienced. But it turned out that sex with Albert was even better. It was simply out of this world. Way beyond anything I’d ever experienced before. The man had awakened this incredible tide of liquid desire in me that I didn’t even know existed. And the experience had been so powerful that it overshadowed everything else. So honestly no, the fact that Stefan had shared me with Albert didn’t bother me either!

All I knew for sure was that just the thought of how deeply Albert had touched me made me tremble all over.  And I couldn’t help but wonder how Albert felt about our encounter too. Was I just one more woman in a long line of women to him or had he felt the power of our coming together the way I did? There was just something about it, something about the intensity of our meeting that had blown me away.

So there I was, confused maybe, but feeling so very, very alive! Wondering what would happen next. But not much did… at least not for the next few days. In fact, the following days passed quietly enough. Stefan and I slept late and went down to the beach. We didn’t see Albert. Sometimes Stefan left me alone on the beach for a few hours to do some business, which I didn’t mind at all. In fact I liked lying on the beach all alone, savoring the feeling of liquid desire in my loins. Stefan and I never talked about Albert either or about the night I’d spent with him or about anything that was emotionally difficult. Nor did we talk about the future or what would happen to us. We took long walks in Nice, along the Promenade Des Anglais, looking at all the big hotels and the crowds on the beach. We explored the Old Town which seemed vaguely Italian and we ate the famous bouillabaisse there.

Then one day, out of the blue, my parents called and said they were coming to Nice, the very next day. I was so surprised. Of course they knew I was in Nice, but I didn’t in my wildest dreams expect to see them there. But they said they were on their way from New York to Israel to meet some friends and decided to stop over in Nice for a day to see me.

So the next evening Jerry and Isabel arrived and I discovered that despite the fact that my life was in turmoil, I was really looking forward to seeing them. Waiting at the airport, I made up my mind that I was going to try to be honest with them about what was going on in my life. I just had the feeling that if I had the nerve to tell them the truth, my mother in particular would understand me. I guess I felt this way because my mother was a very elegant lady who always seemed to know more than I expected. She’d been married once before she met my father and sometimes made references to a past that didn’t sound exactly typical. Her flair, her manner, her way of dressing spoke discreetly of a worldliness which the rest of us didn’t possess. She was very different from my father who was just a regular hard-working guy with a kind heart who was getting more and more sentimental with age. I was his only child so he really had a soft spot for me. I also had an older, half-sister, Marlene who was eight years older than I and was my mother’s daughter from her first marriage. I never got to know Marlene that well because she was so much older than I was. And besides, we were as different as day and night. Unlike me, she’d never really tested her limits or been a wild child, but rather followed the straight and narrow path. When she graduated from college, she married a doctor, and settled down. She lived on Long Island with her husband and two children and once in a while sent me emails with pictures of her well-dressed family.

I saw my parents coming through into the arrival hall. My father looked older and my mother looked tired, but when they saw me, they brightened and came rushing forward.

“Rachel! Why Rachel darling, don’t you look beautiful! How are you?” They both said, kissing and hugging me. My mother was looking at the elegant white suit I had on. Her right eyebrow arched ever so slightly as if to say – this is a change!

When we got to their hotel room, my mother went to the bathroom to freshen up. My father stretched and yawned and then put his arms around me, his sentimental side showing its head. There were tiny tears in his beady brown eyes. But they still sparkled like they used to do when I was little and had been particularly naughty.

“Oh Rachel, it’s so good to see you. Am I going to hear about one of your adventures again? Aren’t you a mother now with a beautiful son?” He sighed, let go of me and sat down tiredly in the big armchair. Then he smiled. “But you know I could never get angry with you, could I?  All I can ever see is the mischievous, little green-eyed girl you once were. I guess you will always be my little girl. After all, how many daughters do I have? Ah Rachel… I like to think you take after me!”

My mother came out of the bathroom and when she saw the tears in my father’s eyes, she said gently, “Remember Jerry, we promised each other not to get upset. Now go in and freshen up so we can go down and have dinner. I’m famished.”

My father disappeared into the bathroom.

“Gee Mom,” I sighed, “you look great, you always do. What’s your secret?”

“You know I only wish we had a few days to talk, really talk.” My mother looked at me. “I’ve experienced things I’ve never told you about and now that you’re 35, you’re old enough to understand.”

Then she examined the white suit I was wearing and added, “What a stunning suit this is… I’ve never seen you wear anything like this before. Are you really here in Nice all by yourself?”

“What do you think?”

“I figured as much,” she said and signed. “I only hope that whatever you have to tell us will not weigh too heavily upon your father. He’s not as strong as he used to be.”

“I really don’t want to upset him or you either, but I really do want to talk.”

My father heard my last remark as he came out of the bathroom.

“Talk? Of course we’re going to talk. I want to hear exactly what’s going on. Do you think I came all the way to Nice just to look at the beach? Now let’s go down and eat and you can tell us everything.”

As soon as the waiter left with our orders, my mother started, “So you walked out on Jan and Daniel to come to Nice with whom?”

“He must be something,” my father said and sighed. “You know I’ve never said a word against Jan, even though I wished you had married someone who lived a little closer to New York, or who at least had a little more money. But done is done and I’ve never complained. And now you are going to tell me things aren’t working out?”

“Yes,” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn’t help it, I started crying. “I’m so confused.”

“Come, come Rachel,” my father patted my hand rather ineffectively, “there must be more to it than that. You can tell us.”

“Well,” I said slowly, “As far as appearances go, things were pretty okay. It was just…”

“Just what?” my mother said, looking at me rather sharply.

That only made me cry more.

“It was just…” I said again slowly.

“Just what?” my mother repeated more slowly and more gently.

“Well just…” I was struggling to find the words, “I felt like I was suffocating. Like my life was going down the tube! It was all just so meaningless.”

My parents were silent, both looking at me with their kind eyes, so I rushed on, “Not only was our life together such a bore, but Jan is so….”

I paused, not knowing how to explain.

“So what…” my father asked.

“So mean and cold – and so small-minded!”

There I’d said it! I’d blurted it out!  Jan was a bore, an asshole. My life sucked!

Now that it was out, I rushed on, “I mean our life together was just so uninteresting… I don’t know if you can understand but I just felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore,” I paused for a moment and then plunged on, “I just couldn’t figure out what I was living for… And Jan never really saw me anyway. He just took me for granted, like I was a piece of furniture or something! It seemed like my only job was to make him happy!”

There it was!

My truth. What a relief to finally say it! Up until then, I hadn’t fully understood it myself. But now that I said it, there it was, lying quietly on the table before us. Like a smooth, round stone, silent and hard. My truth! My life was a bore! My husband was a jerk! Hearing my own words was such a revelation.

“It was just so frustrating, having a small child and all that and Jan being so closed in upon himself. In the end it was just the same old, same old routine every day. It was like I didn’t feel like a real person anymore.” I cried some more. “I know this sounds really stupid, but it was just such a drag… In the end, it was like I didn’t exist.”

“Ah Rachel,” my mother sighed and said thoughtfully, “This is something that happens to many women your age. Suddenly your youth is gone and you think, is this really it? Is this really my life? Is this all there is to it? It happened to me too so I know how scary it can be. So many of us go through this… one way or another. What it really means is that it’s time for you to find something interesting to do with your life whether or not you stay with Jan. It’s high time you start making a life for yourself! But Rachel darling, it doesn’t mean you have to leave your son, your precious child!”

“Oh I know,” I said crying even more. “What a mess I’ve made of things! My poor baby! I miss him so much… I really do…” I blew my nose and then added, sniffing, “I probably wouldn’t have left him if I hadn’t met Stefan.”

“So,” my father said, fingering his napkin and looking down at the table, “you wanted to go to bed with this Stefan and instead of being like we used to be when we were young, you actually did go to bed with him. And you liked it very much.”

Hearing these words from my father really surprised me. He never seemed to understand my generation before so this was really a change.

“How did you know?” I asked.

“Don’t you think we know a little about sex too my dear?”

“I just didn’t think you could possibly understand what I’ve done. I feel like such a fool.” I started to cry again.

“We all make mistakes Rachel,” my father said, “but that doesn’t mean you abandon your child… Think about what you’re doing sweetheart! Is this guy Stefan worth it?”

It was true; I didn’t know what to think.

There was a loaded silence. Then I said what I guessed we were all thinking, “So you think I should go back or what? I mean what would I do? Go back to Jan? Get a divorce?”

“How should we know Rachel? But for starters you could go back and have a talk with Jan,” my father said. “I mean he is your husband – so why not tell him exactly what you just told us? Why not tell him the truth? Why not tell him how unhappy you are with your life.”

“I don’t know if I can – he’s so hard to talk to.”

“Well you could try. Don’t you think you owe it to your son?”

I was grateful that the waiter came with our food. Not that I was hungry, but I needed a break, and time to assimilate what my parents said. Of course I had expected them to scold me, but did they really understand? Could they possibly understand how difficult living with Jan was and how dissatisfied I was with my life? And what about the whole sex thing? The whole good pussy bad pussy thing? Could they possibly understand how strong that drive was? And how it drove me to experiment and do things I couldn’t possibly tell them about? Like sleeping with Stefan’s best friend and loving it too? How could they understand when I hardly understood it myself! Stefan! Albert! Good pussy bad pussy! I didn’t know what to make of it… or her.

All I knew for sure was that when I met Stefan, I just wanted to forget everything else about my life. All I wanted was to disappear down the rabbit hole into the ecstasy of our sexual encounters. Being with Stefan had made me feel so real again, so alive. There was just something about it that made me forget everything else. It was so deep, like total annihilation. I just loved it. I loved disappearing into the bliss. And when that happened, I didn’t want my real life anymore. I didn’t want to wake up anymore with a husband who was as cold as ice and always lost in his own worries. I just knew there had to be more to life than that. With Stefan it was different. When I was with him, all my frustrations disappeared into this shining passion that seemed to consume everything. Maybe it wasn’t real life, but who needed real life? Our passionate encounters were so much better than real life; in fact being with Stefan felt like a dream come true. And it was happening to me. When it was so intense like that, I felt that for once in my life, everything had come into focus. Everything was clear. I was present, alive, thrilled in the moment.

But sitting there at the table with my parents, I knew what they were going to tell me with their down-to-earth, common sense view of life. They were going to say Rachel darling, no matter how good it is, it won’t last. They were going to say that life doesn’t work like that, that life can’t be that good, that much fun. To them, life was work, responsibility, sacrifice and so on. In their world, you couldn’t always get what you wanted. And to them, the bottom line was that whatever I was doing there was my son to think about.

I knew that was what they were going to say but I didn’t want to hear it. Right then, all I wanted was my shot at ecstasy.

To be continued…

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