Posts Tagged ‘love’

We ate for a while in silence. I picked at my food, thinking it was a good thing they didn’t know the real truth – that Stefan didn’t even want me as much as I wanted him. Ha. I laughed to myself. That was the irony of it. But even if it was only me that was so obsessed, even if it was all a delusion, a dream, I wanted it anyway. I wanted it for as long as it lasted, which I hoped would be for a very long time. That was the truth; my truth. Whatever the cost, I didn’t want it to end. I just wanted to keep disappearing down that rabbit hole of bliss and stay there forever.

“So tell us about this Stefan,” my mother said, “handsome he must be, but what does he do for a living? Was it Stefan who bought you the fancy clothes?”

“I really don’t know exactly what he does, but he works for a man named Albert Giovanni who is the head of a big company called Giovanni International.”

“What does this Giovanni International do Rachel?” my father asked.

“As far as I know, they sell heavy machinery all over Europe and the Middle East.”

There was a slight lull in the conversation until my mother said, sweetly but firmly, “Look Rachel, why don’t you just get on a plane and go back to Amsterdam and have a talk with Jan. Really sweetheart, you owe it to your son.”

When I didn’t say anything my father added, “At least you can give it a try.  Jan might just surprise you and understand. But whatever happens, your mother is right; you owe it to your son. Don’t abandon your child for some pleasure now that isn’t going to last very long. That’s what you should be thinking about.”

After that, we didn’t speak for a while. We were all digesting what had just gone down.

My father wanted to go for a little walk after dinner and I was relieved because I couldn’t bear to talk about it anymore. It was a lovely balmy evening and we walked down the Promenade des Anglais. It reminded me of summer vacations when I was a kid.

We felt close together, but also sad that so many of the things we had shared were past and would never come again. I had this sudden intuition about how it must feel to grow old and see the world you have known and loved fade away. Our lives were passing away so quickly. In a flash we are gone with all our happiness and all our troubles too. It made my own problems seem small and insignificant. The stars were shining down upon us, the same stars that were there when we came into this world and would still be there when we left. What did it matter if I laughed or cried? I was only one more flare in the night, shining brightly for a split second in time. It was the same for my parents. And I had to face it, one day all too soon they too would be passing away. I missed them so much even though they were right there, walking on either side of me. They were my parents, my very own special parents and I would never have any others. They had wedded and bedded and out of that mysterious union, I had emerged with all my hopes and dreams. And they had tried to give me a direction as best they could. Whether they had succeeded or failed didn’t really matter at all. We might have quarreled in the past, we might have misunderstood each other at times, but they loved me and I loved them. It was as simple as that.

I stopped and hugged them both, one after the other. They didn’t say anything, but I knew they felt the same.


   The next day I put my parents on their plane to Israel.

They left saying, “Now be a good girl Rachel and think about what you are doing! Why don’t you just go home to your son?”

It was such reasonable advice. Hearing them talk made everything seem so simple. I was a mother and had a responsibility to my own child. But as soon as I walked out of the airport’s glass doors into the sunshine of that splendid Nice morning, I felt that jolt – that marvelous zap of energy running through my body. Wow! And yes, it was that jolt, that zap that sent me on this adventure in the first place. It was such an overpowering sensation and to say it was just a physical thing would have been to underestimate what was going on with me. I was possessed, obsessed, enchained, entranced by an energy I didn’t understand. And it didn’t have anything to do with the logical, reasonable world my parents lived in and talked about. I had run off in pursuit of something magical. Some might say I just wanted to get my kicks, but whatever it was, the truth was, I wanted more.

Maybe I should go home and maybe I would, but not just yet!

Feeling that jolt of energy course through my body made me remember the day I met Stefan and I shivered with pleasure.  It was an early summer day at Zandvoort beach; I was there, enjoying the sun and sea with little Daniel. We’d been there all afternoon and it was early evening – most people were gone or leaving the beach. The sun was sinking slowly in the Western sky. I remembered how cool and peaceful it was and how I was just lounging around enjoying the tranquility and the evening air while Daniel played close by in the sand. All of a sudden this blond Adonis came out of nowhere and asked me if I had a light. I hadn’t noticed him before that moment, but apparently he must have been lounging somewhere nearby because he had seen me. (I later found out that he had been sitting moodily on the beach, feeling low because he had just split again from his Dutch wife Monique and their two small daughters – Linda and Sabine. They had been having this on and off relationship for quite a few years until finally Monique had asked for a separation. She was fed up with his uncommunicative ways and the fact that he was away so much on business because of Albert. But obviously at the time, I didn’t know any of this.)

A couple of young Indians were making food on a small grill not far from where I was sitting and one of them ran over and asked us if we would like to join them. Daniel jumped up and said “yeah!” because he was hungry and so it all happened so naturally. We laughed and joined the Indians and got to talking as we munched on their lovely food. (The Indians thought we were a couple and laughed heartily when we said we didn’t know each other.)

So truly it was as if the gods had arranged our meeting (and of course they had). I found it easy being with him in the cool evening air – and I liked his quiet ways. From the very first moment, I felt as if we were being drawn to each other by this powerful magnetic force and there was nothing we could do about it. I remembered I couldn’t take my eyes off this blond Adonis – and he kept looking at me too. We stayed until late in the evening; and by then it was obvious we would meet again.


When I got back to our hotel suite, Stefan was sitting on the armchair with his feet up on the window sill. He was talking on the phone. All I could think of was how good he looked, how inviting, how sexy. He had on tight-fitting underwear which revealed his broad shoulders and muscular arms. He had just taken a shower and his wet blond hair was combed straight back off his face. He looked around at me and motioned me to be quiet.

“Happy Birthday little Linda,” he was saying into the phone in a special voice I’d never heard him use before. “How old are you now??… Five years old! Did you get the present Daddy sent you?”

My mood of sex and adventure vanished when I realized who he was talking to – his youngest daughter Linda. His wife and two daughters were still living in Amsterdam. And today was the little one’s birthday. Funny, but up until that moment I hadn’t really thought of Stefan as being a father (though of course I knew he was) or of him being able to speak to a child in that kind of warm friendly Daddy voice.

I felt vain and stupid hearing him talk to his little daughter like that. Maybe deep down inside, he scorned me because I’d run off with him and left my own son. Maybe he thought I was a pushover, a woman of no character, with only a hot cunt to speak for me. Mentally I began packing my suitcase to catch the next plane back to Amsterdam. My parents said I should go back, Stefan must be thinking the same thing. What was there left for me to do? I really did miss my son.

I went to the bedroom and sat down on the bed while Stefan chatted and laughed with his daughter.

But still, I told myself, this was the first time I’d ever been away from my son and I hadn’t been gone very long. Didn’t I have a right to a little vacation? But who was I kidding? This wasn’t exactly a vacation – this was an uprising – a full-scale rebellion! Looking back, I could honestly say I’d tried; I really had, for years. I’d tried to convince myself that my life with Jan was great. But it just didn’t wash. It wasn’t enough. I hadn’t taken care of me. I hadn’t nurtured the woman I was. In fact it had gotten so bad that I no longer even knew who I was. Oh yes, I was a mother and a wife, but it all seemed so tame after the great hopes and dreams of my younger years. Back then I thought I was going somewhere, thought I was going to do something, be someone, achieve something that mattered. And now all I had was the crushing frustration of a life I had freely chosen with a man who turned out to be a real drag. And I hadn’t wanted to admit it, at least not until I met Stefan.

Stefan came to me in the bedroom after he said goodbye to his daughter. I guess I looked depressed because he sat down and put his arm around me and said, “Was seeing your mother and father that bad?”

“Oh no… not really,” I mumbled.

“Well then, what is it?”

“It was just… just hearing you talk to Linda like that…”

“Oh come on Rachel, you knew from the beginning that I have two small daughters. They are very dear to me and I am sorry their mother and I are not together to take care of them. You know that.”

“Stefan, do you think I should go back to Amsterdam?”

“You should do whatever you have to do – but not right now!” he said and laughed. “How did we get on this subject anyway?” He pushed me playfully back on the bed. He was determined to make me forget. It wasn’t hard to do. He kissed me and I couldn’t resist him. There was just something about him, something…

He undressed me expertly and then did what he always did. He took off his underwear and then positioned himself, completely naked, over me with his arms outstretched as if he was about to do push-ups. He surveyed my waiting body and then lowered his firm suntanned body slowly down upon me, touching me gently as I closed my eyes in a swoon. He knew I liked it like that, liked it when he teased me with the touch of his exquisite body until I was wet, wet, wet. And then, when he knew I was ready, he entered me slowly and lay very still on top of me, letting me feel his manhood. And when I sighed that special sigh of intense delight, which he knew so well, he pressed himself deeper into me. I’d never been with a man who fucked like he did. It was always the same – and even if it was missionary through and through, he had a very special talent for it. A very special way of moving slowly in and out of me, which never failed to light my fire. And even though he made the same moves every time, it always worked. Because there was just something about the trancelike way he moved his beautiful body which always turned me on. Something about the slow, rhythmical movements he made that I loved. And then he’d pick up speed and move slightly faster – and then faster. And I loved it even more. Loved the way his slow deliberation would always lead to that special moment when I felt the thrill of his hard body gaining speed and momentum. Then nothing could deter him. And he would keep his eyes closed and continue to breathe ever so quietly even as his excitement mounted. Then it was all higher, higher, higher and deeper, deeper, deeper – into that pool of intense ecstasy where I could surrender completely – to his rhythm, his guidance, and to the energy that enveloped us. He did not rush, he never did. Nor did he speak as some men do or alter his rhythm or the flow of it. The strength of his body and his arm muscles allowed him to flow onward until we met and found each other in the passion and power of being together and coming together.

Aaahhh… the incredible sweetness of him. Of us.

Afterwards my blond Adonis propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at me. His face was open and suddenly vulnerable. He flicked some strands of hair away from my face.

“You know I never met a woman like you before…”

I did not reply but waited, quite sure he was about to say something important, something I desperately wanted to hear, something I thought I’d never hear him say.

“Rachel, I just want you to know,” he said softly, slowly, “… that no matter what happens… I really do…”

There was a knock on the door.

We both lay very still. Damn! I hoped whoever it was would go away. Who could it be anyway? No one ever came to our hotel. But the knocking went on.

“Open up Stefan, hurry up! It’s important. Come one. It’s me, Joey.”

The banging continued.

“Merde!” Stefan drew away from me.

“I’m coming Joey, hold on!” he shouted back.

He put on his underwear.

“Rachel, go out to the bathroom and get dressed. I forgot to tell you we’re going to a party at Albert’s house on Cap Ferrat today. So dress up nice.”

I grabbed my robe and rushed to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Damn.

I pressed myself against the door to hear what was going on. Two men entered the suite. They were speaking French and they were in a hurry. I turned the water on in the sink. I didn’t want Stefan to think I was listening. They were talking so fast I didn’t understand much, but I did understand when Stefan said, “Joey, no, not again. Not another car bomb!”

The man called Joey replied, “We just got word.”

“Merde,” said Stefan, “does Albert know about this?”

“Yes, and he’s not happy at all. It’s making our operations very difficult.”

“Merde,” I heard Stefan say again.

I didn’t dare listen to more.

I wondered what was going on. It sounded serious, dangerous, risky… But I didn’t dare ask. Stefan never talked to me about what kind of business they were in (but then again, Stefan never talked to me about anything). And it seemed to be understood that as far as business matters were concerned, I was to be kept completely out of it, whatever it was. Was it chivalry on Stefan’s part? Or was it just the man/woman thing in this part of the world? I was curious to know more and knew I should care more, but the truth was I didn’t. The truth was I felt like a million. I felt like a fool. I felt enchanted, entranced, insane. I felt wonderful, wild, happy. My life was a mess and my Adonis was about to tell me that he loved me. I was sure; positive! So I wondered – was this it? Was this true love? He was about to say it, I knew it. I knew it. I knew he loved me. And regardless, the lovemaking was divine. I slid down onto the cool tile bathroom floor as the thoughts whirled round and round in my head.

Read Full Post »

But then I thought of Jan and the life I‘d left behind and my heart skipped a beat. Did I know what I was doing? Suddenly my old life seemed so much more attractive… or maybe I was just longing for the safety of the known. You could do the same thing with many men. What was the difference? And then there was our child! My son! Why hadn’t I seen it before? Did I have to lose him to realize how precious he was!

And what about Stefan? How could he just turn me over to another man like that, even if Albert was his mentor and hero? What was with him? What were they into? I shivered inside, realizing I didn’t have a clue as to what I’d gotten myself into.

At that very moment, Albert began fondling my nipples just firmly enough to excite me. I didn’t resist, nor did I participate. I just let it happen, as if I was watching him and myself from some far away place. This was such a new experience for me; being touched by a man I’d never met before. I didn’t quite know what to think or feel. But Albert was so powerful and attractive that I found it strangely thrilling to feel him touching me so I let myself settle back into the chair.

He understood my body language immediately because he let go of my nipples and lifted my legs expertly and placed them one on each arm of the chair so I was spread eagle before him. I stiffened in surprise, remembering I had no panties on. He went down on me, not waiting for my consent, but tasting me slowly and making me wet. Oh my God I thought… was this me? Was I really doing this?

But yes I was… and then…

Oh my, oh my…

I heard myself moaning at the thrill of his tongue touching me.

He was good… goodness was he good…

He removed his lips from me and put his fingers up me with a gentle firmness that bespoke a knowingness of women and years of experience. I gasped. He came up to me again and began kissing me on the mouth, keeping his fingers in me at the same time.  I moaned as he kept on touching me knowingly, kissing me and bearing down on me. There was no resisting him now. And I felt myself opening even wider under his expert touch.

“You’re…” I mumbled not knowing how to react, confused by the intense pleasure I was feeling.

“I want to see you come,” he murmured in my ear, his fingers emerging slowly from inside me and again playing gently with my innermost lips, caressing them ever so softly. Ahh… The softness of his touch was exquisite, so exquisite. And he waited as I sighed even more deeply and he continued to caress me with such perfect gentleness until he knew that I wanted him too, wanted him to see me surrender completely to his touch.

Then he went down on me again, this time even more slowly, kissing my very wet pussy and doing things to me with his tongue that I’d never experienced before.

I heard myself gasping again with pleasure.

He was a man who could take me exactly where he wanted me to go. And he did. I was defenseless against the tide of liquid desire he released in me. And then I felt it; the confusion of emotions, the rush of ecstasy, the warmth, the wetness. I heard myself moaning and I grabbed his hair – I was nearing the point of no return. I cried out… shaking and trembling, exactly as he knew I would… exactly… and I was there, precisely where he wanted me to be… there as the tide of liquid desire swept me away… and I disappeared happily, ecstatically into the ecstasy of the most amazing, shuddering climax.

No man had ever made me feel like that before. Ever!

When I opened my eyes, my fingers were twisted in Albert’s hair. I would have pushed him away, but he didn’t give me time. He grabbed me and pulled me up. Now he too was aroused. There was no mistaking the hungry look on his aristocratic face, a look mixed with satisfaction. Now he wanted me too. He led me to the bedroom.

“Take off your dress.”

I did as he said. Trembling and bold at the same time.

He undressed and came to me on the low bed. I was wet and ready. He entered me and I gasped, not expecting him to be so hard. He held my hands down and rose above me. There was something strangely magnetic and powerful about him, something I’d never seen in any man before. He grabbed my hair and pulled my head back, my body bending to his will. He was approaching his climax.

“Tell me, do you want it?”

He looked me deep in the eyes, his gaze penetrating me.

When I didn’t answer, he said it again, “Tell me, do you want it?”

He had this intense, one-pointed quality about him and I felt myself being drawn into his passion.

“Yes,” I murmured softly, “yes.”

He thrust himself deeper into me. “Say please.”

And then he paused, breaking his rhythm and moving in me slowly and sensually until I felt that tide of liquid desire rising in me again. Oh my, oh my! Again!

“Say it!” He moved faster, deeper.

“Say it!”

And I felt it; the liquid tide was gaining momentum – again – and moving, moving, moving… ready to sweep me away until I heard myself crying, “Yes please, please!”

And then he did sweep me away with a fierceness and intensity that did not stop until we both shuddered and came at exactly the same moment. Then he lay on top of me for a long time, his face turned away.

When at last he looked at me with those deep penetrating eyes of his, I felt so many strange emotions.


When I got back to our suite at the hotel, I was relieved that Stefan wasn’t there. I didn’t want to face him just then. I wanted to be alone. So much had happened. I needed to sort out my feelings. I had gone through so many changes in one evening. Albert said very little after his first explosion inside me, but there had been a change in him. After we lay still for a long while on the low bed, he made love to me again. But the second time was so different from the first, so tender and gentle, showing me another side of this incredible man.  And later, when he drove me home with the wind in his face, he was silent and I liked him for it.

But by the time he left me at the door to the hotel, he was the same again as he was in the beginning.

“I hope our little princess has enjoyed herself,” he whispered in my ear and left.

When I got back to our suite, I closed the door and leaned against it, my legs trembled so. Then I went to the bedroom and lay down fully dressed on the bed, overwhelmed by what had just happened and by what I had just done. There was no denying it; this was the real raw adventure I’d been dreaming of, but what I hadn’t expected was that it would trigger such powerful emotions in me. Albert was such an incredible man. I’d never met anyone like him before and didn’t know what to feel or think.  Our meeting had been so… Was this the beginning of my liberation or enslavement? Oh where oh where had good pussy bad pussy just taken me?



   Good pussy bad pussy!

   What was going on?

What was happening to me?

All I knew for sure was that I’d experienced a depth of passion I’d never tasted before – and with a man I’d only just met.

I didn’t know what to think and drifted off to sleep.

Much later I heard the bedroom door open and knew it was Stefan. I didn’t want to face him so I pretended I was sleeping. I heard him moving around the room. He didn’t turn on the light or try to wake me. Instead he came over to me and gently raised my dress. I was lying on my stomach and he lowered himself down on me. I was still wet from Albert, so he entered me easily.

“Oh Rachel,” he whispered tenderly in my ear, “if only you knew how sorry I am. If only you could understand, I couldn’t prevent tonight from happening.”

I was stunned. He had never been like that before, never showed me that he cared – at least not like that. Before he’d always carefully kept his distance, closed in upon himself like a beautiful oyster. But as I felt him growing in me, he was holding me tighter than he had ever done before. Loving me as I had hoped he would, finally, when I thought I might be through with him. Thought I might be through with him for giving me so nonchalantly to his best friend.  But how could I be? How could I be through with the man I had wanted so desperately, right up until that very day? The man who had swept me off my feet with his silent beauty? I might have been confused by it all, but deep down in my heart of hearts, I knew I couldn’t resist him – at least not for long. Not for more than a second or two. So I let myself glide away and be swallowed up by the force of his passion. Only in the dark, when he thought I was half asleep could Stefan reveal his true feelings for me, only after he had coolly given me to his best friend and mentor, the incredible man who had just possessed me so utterly and completely.

To be continued…

Read Full Post »

The book is now available. You can order it on Amazon.com  or on Amazon.co.uk

Here’s how it all starts….

Pages 1-3:

“I was incredibly horny and told myself it was true love, great passion, high romance, so I left my husband and four-year old son in Amsterdam and went to Nice with Stefan. It was almost the end of August. I had a lot to learn.

We had been in Nice a few days when Stefan said, “Tonight we’re going to meet Albert. Go get your hair done.”

He put money in my hand.

“I’ll wait for you on the beach. When you’re done, we’ll go buy you some new clothes.”

So I was finally going to meet the big man. It was about time. I was really curious. Stefan never talked very much, but when he did Albert always turned up in the conversation.

After I got my hair done, Stefan took me shopping. He took me to the expensive boutiques on the Avenue Jean Medecin. We went into a shop with Yves Saint Laurent dresses and Gucci bags in the window. A glamorous woman waited on us. Stefan told her what kind of a dress he was looking for. She eyed me for size and came out with an absolutely stunning creamy white dress. It had a tight-fitting bodice with thin straps and a loose soft flowing skirt.

Stefan nodded, “Go try it on.”

It fit perfectly and looked divine. I couldn’t believe it was me. I had always wanted to look like that. When I came out to show Stefan he said, “That will be ok for tonight, but now you need some more clothes.”

He bought me sexy lace underwear, new shoes and a bag to match. Designer jeans, a slew of t-shirts, a new bikini, skinny white pants and a white jacket. I couldn’t believe how much money he was spending. Everything was packed up and we went back to the hotel.

“Go put your make-up on,” Stefan said, “we’re going to have dinner with Albert.”

I took my time. It was hard to get used to the feeling of luxury, clothes, money, the Riviera. I felt guilty about running out on my husband and son and having a good time.

Stefan was satisfied with the way I looked. When we got to the door of our suite he said, “Give me your panties.”

I took them off. They were the beautiful new lace ones he’d just bought me. He put them in his pocket.

“Let’s go,” he said.

Down on the street, a limousine was waiting for us. The chauffeur opened the door and we got in. As we drove along, Stefan put his arm around me and kissed me on the neck.

“I want you to do whatever Albert wants,” he said softly in my ear even though the chauffeur could not possibly hear us through the glass that separated him from us. “Do you understand?”

“What do you mean?” I asked in surprise.

“Well… he may not want anything… but then again, he might want to bed you. He has before with other women I’ve known.”

“But…” I started to say.

Stefan put his fingers to my lips.

He was blond, muscular and divinely beautiful. I was madly in love with him or so I thought.

“Don’t ask me why. If you really feel as you say about me, you’ll do what I ask.”

I trembled all over. This was an unexpected turn of events. Not how I had imagined things would be. I’d never been to bed with a man I didn’t know. Just like that.

But it was strange and exciting to be sitting on the backseat of a limousine in a marvelous dress with no panties on. Stefan put his hand up my dress. I was embarrassed by the moisture between my legs. We pulled up before a posh-looking restaurant but Stefan did not remove his hand. Instead he kissed me long and passionately on the mouth.

Inside the restaurant, Stefan asked the maitre d’ for Mr. Giovanni’s table in French. Stefan spoke French and German much better than he spoke English. I always spoke English with him because my French wasn’t very good and I couldn’t speak German at all.

We were shown to a corner table with a marvelous view. There was no one there; we had arrived first. The maitre d’ said Albert had just called and said he would be arriving at 8.30. Stefan ordered champagne.

As we sat sipping our champagne, I looked at Stefan. My heart skipped a beat. What was it about him that drove me so crazy? I couldn’t explain it to myself and now that things seemed to be moving in an unexpected direction, I really wanted to see the man who was the cause of it all.

Did I trust Stefan with my life?

Definitely not!

But I loved being with him. He was my very own blond Adonis, strong, muscular and very self-contained. Because of him I was on the Riviera, sitting at a fancy restaurant, drinking champagne in an expensive dress with no panties on, waiting to meet a man who might make unusual demands of me. It was hard to believe I was just an ordinary woman with a little son. What had happened to me?”

to be continued

Read Full Post »

Would you like a sneak preview of my hot erotic romance “Good Pussy Bad Pussy – Rachel’s Tale”? Well sign up here to review the book and get your advanced copy now. http://bedroom-books.com/blogs/bedroom/bedroom-door-open-for-reviewers/

“Good Pussy Bad Pussy” will be officially released at the end of October this year.

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts